(A room in an ashram in Haridwar, with an open window)
A crooning voice from outside the window: Psst... pssss... Babaji!
(Babaji opens his eyes, turns towards the window in slow motion… gets surprised)
Baba R. Dev: O teri, Mannu, you, here, how?
M. M. Singh: Arre babaji, I have taken so much trouble for coming here. You know, I didn’t even seek permission. (With a very confident smile)
Baba: Haha, now you are going to bear the wrath of Rome; you’ll be blamed for the fall of the Roman Empire and next term… you are gone (crosses his throat with his hand, with a smirk on your face)!
MMS: No way, in fact, I’ve come to thank you for saving me!
BA.R: (Worried) Thank me?
MMS: Yes. By the way, I was watching your suit on TV… nice print. How did you get one so early? Mrs. PM always complains that all the good ones are already taken by the middle class women and ever since I’ve become PM she cannot go to Dilli haat to buy one.
BA.RA: Woha… suit, yeah, I had to… (Unsure blank expression on face)
MMS: Anyway, back to the point, how did you get the suit so quickly?
B.RA.D: I… I had kept one around. I knew you would do something like this.
(Both look surprised…)
MMS: Really, did you? Even I didn’t know that I’ld do something like this!!! If you would not be wearing that odious saffron, I would have asked you to join my advisory council.
BAB.DE: Yes… (more confident) yes… I knew you and your government would do something like this. Your government is cruel and vile and we are going to do satyagraha against it.
MMS: Oh one more satyagraha! Great… hey can you ask those BJP, RSS guys to take part too, preferably left too? I mean (sheepishly) it’ll only strengthen your movement.
BAB.E: Oh yes, I will and this time Anna too will be there and Arvind and Kiran and Agni. We’ll throw you over, I mean, overthrow you.
MMS: Cool, so many people, you sure are going to have a ball…
BABA: Ball? No ball… its very costly and anything that is costly is western and against Indian tradition. My yoga can be done without any made in America ball.
MMS: (Irritated) No, no… not that ball. I was talking about fun, enjoyment. Anyway, balls are no more made in America, Obama just uses whitener over China and writes America.
BA.M: Oh, ok… I thought!
MMS: Look, I do not have much time, so let’s hasten our talks a bit; when are you going to start this new fast?
B.RAM: Why are you asking, you will again send Delhi police… I won’t tell you!
(Crosses his arms across his chest and turns around)
MMS: Ohho, do you know last time only you were fasting on stage, rest of the public was enjoying McAloo Tikki!
BA.RA.VE: McAloo Tikki, (turns around) in my camp? What nonsense?
MMS: Yeah, that Sibby distributed them for free…
B.RA.VE: But why did you have to use force?
MMS: I was asking the same question to high-command… (Suddenly realizing where he is) I mean, I was irritated that so less people were actually fasting.
B.RA: You wanted more people to do fast? And dude, I am sympathetic about your high command… I mean that’s one reason I resisted marriage… (whispers) not that I was getting many offers.
MMS: No, high command is someone else… you won’t understand. You won’t even understand how I had to dupe my security and high-command’s intelligence officials around me to get here.
BA.R: What? Your wife has put IB on to you? And you are the PM?
MMS: Not my wife, you Dudley… (Severely irritated)
BA.D: But I still do not understand, why do you want us to go on fast? Oh, now I get it… how dumb have I been? We’ll go on fast and the government won’t give a damn… you can keep earning you black money, green dollars, red rupee.
MMS: No, no… I mean that too. But my motive is different. See it is hiii-level economics, so pay close attention and (leans close) do not tell anyone. Once you sit on this fast with so much of Delhi along with you, the only consumers that remain are Con-gressis. With such a huge dip in delhi and hopefully inspired across the country there will be demand side slump for food products which will reduce the inflation this quarter drastically. Then people will realize that I am such a brilliant Prime Minister and even the hi-command will realize my value.
R.D: Hiii-attention-con-delhi-demand-food-inflation (almost falls)… Got it!
MMS: (Saala, bewakoof bana raha hai… mujhe hi samajhne mein 2 semester lag gaye thhe) Oh, cool. So when are you going to start it?
Suddenly, voice rings from outside:
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
MMS: Shit, where did he come from?
BABA: Oh, I know, you must have brought him… couldn’t you guys keep better pets?
MMS: None barks better, and he’s the most faithful, almost as if he has been bred in Rome. I think he eats Italian bread only.
B.RAM: Perhaps, I should teach him anulom-vilom, perhaps it will clean his internal system. (Starts walking towards the door)
MMS: Please babaji, no. I beg of you. He’ll see me and complain about my presence here… please do not open the door.
BAB: Ok, if you say so… par Mannu, YOU will have to learn my pranayam. Your breathing system is choked that is why no one listens to you and… or I’ll start calling you MAUN-Mohan Singh.
MMS: (Worried) Okay, okay Babaji, next time when you come to Delhi, I will myself come to fetch you, then you can teach me.
BA.DEV: Pakka? Last time that Kapaal Bhaarti Sibbal was very boring (pata nahin kya kya bolta rehta hai…) and Pranob Da always mixes Bongali with Hindi. You know, he was surprised to know that I am not from Bongal…
MMS: Yeah that Silly-sibby, I’ve to transfer him to Pashu-paalan Vibhaag, of course with high-command’s permission. And Dada (laughs) you know, he thinks I am from Assam only… I fight some election from there only. Can’t really remember which one… I never go there of course – Ulfa, Chinese, Immigrant Bangladeshis – lots of issues there…
I think I should go now, my bus is about to leave in half an hour…(looks st his watch)
B.RA: Bus??? You could have hired a taxi, at least… I mean, come on, 1.76 lakh crores…
MMS: That’s between Italy and Chennai… nothing I can do or have (sad smile on face).
Shouts from outside…
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
This is a conspiracy of R. Swayam-ke-sevak Sangh, we’ll not let them succeed. They are involved with the holy-land of Pakistan. Their team also invaded Mumbai…
MMS: I am leaving, before this idiot spots me here.
BBR: Mannu, beware of using force this time. I will also have force this time.
MMS: (Climbing down) Superb, bring as many as possible…
And yes Babaji, I’ve asked Shiela-ki-jawani, I mean Duck-shit to order bananas for you. So you can have something in the breaks. I mean, with Banana no one can complain that you broke your fast either and of course the internal consumption will pick up too; that will be good for our farmers (finally something).
BABA: (Thumbs up)
MMS: Okay Baba, see you in Delhi.
The voice keeps ringing:
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
I-will-take-a-DIG-at-you, I-am-VIJAY-S.
No comments:
Post a Comment